Hooray for waking up to sunshine! And hanging washing out! And garden play!

Today was a funny day, in that I didn’t feel as emotional as yesterday, but I just felt a bit unmotivated. Maybe it’s the tiredness, or just the post-tearful day of yesterday. Maisie’s still pretty unwell with a high temperature, so I’ve been keeping an eye on her. Micah was happy to get out but also extremely grumpy. It’s been tough on him having Liam in the house but not very accessible when dealing with lots of work issues.

We FaceTimed Grandma and the aunties, which was slightly chaotic on our end, although honestly, they’re not much more sensible than we are. The only time I did get really sad today was when Micah was upset and just wanted ‘Grandma-y’. Because really we just all want a Grandma hug right now, don’t we? A big cuddle and a reminder it’ll all be ok.

I’ve started to be concerned that by the time we’re released back into society I will a) have gained several stone. b) be unable to do my hair or make up, and c) have lost all social skills. Not that they were great anyway…

I might have chosen to have a large family, and I LOVE my people, but I’m a bit of an introvert at heart. A wide range of kids ages means they’re around from early until late. The close proximity over the next few months will, I hope, build amazing family connections, and help us learn to reach out to family and friends in new ways, but it is going to challenge all of us I know.

We went for a drive this evening, just to see outside our four walls. We delivered a present to a special little friend’s doorstep, and then let the kids run races in an empty car park. It does feel a little like having a black cross on the door at times. Or feeling the need to ring a bell and shout ‘unclean’ when outside.

This evening brought positive news regarding support for businesses, which was a huge answer to prayer. I’m praying that all those whose jobs are at risk will be helped and provided for, and that we’ll all look for ways to help.

This morning when I felt anxious I sang out these words to a song I love, and tonight I’m thankful that once again they’re proving true:

I love You Lord
Oh Your mercy never fails me
All my days
I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
I will sing of the goodness of God

All my life You have been faithful
All my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In darkest nights

You are close like no other
I’ve known You as a father

I’ve known You as a friend
I have lived in the goodness of God. (Bethel music).

Happy Friday friends-enjoy the weekend.

A picture from Cornwall, just 2.5 weeks ago. How life can change in such a short time!

Today will be shorter and probably not very eloquent because I’m exhausted. And Maisie, my last child standing, has now developed an excruciatingly high temperature, so I’m on medical duties whilst I type. I’ve set a 4am alarm for the medicine round to keep it in check, and whether they have the C bug or not, whatever they have/had is pretty unpleasant.

Enjoying the small things-this one was pleased as punch to wear her mismatched birdie tights. She’s a bit wobbly, sudden removal from friends and lovely teachers isn’t easy for little ones who’ve know big loss. On the other hand, school can be a scary place too, so hunkering down in the safe place for a while might not be a bad thing for her little heart.

Creative snack rationing. I gave them money from my coin jar and they came to my shop to purchase their snacks. Even the big kids found this amusing. Especially the one who then stole all my money.

It’s been my most emotional day so far. There are definitely going to be impacts and challenges that just a couple of weeks ago no one would have dreamed of. I had a teary long distance conversation with my friend in the street as I dropped something on a doorstep, came home and read a message from my pastor, blubbed like a baby, and allowed myself to feel it all.

But in all that, there were lovely points too. A friend hunting down my shopping needs and delivering to the doorstep. Theo’s nursery teacher messaging for our address and hand delivering Mother’s Day surprises to all the homes. The kids random conversations about Maisie walking down the aisle to Baby Shark… ‘and then you can come in mum, Mummy Shark do doo do do do…’ They’re nothing if not a little crazy, but they do help to lighten the moments.

I had some lovely chats with friends and family via messages and phone and FaceTime, and felt truly cared for today. My song for the day was ‘He will hold me fast’ sung by the Norton Hall Band on YouTube, and Psalm 46 lifted my spirits.

1 ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.’ – Psalm 46:1-5

Today was wobbly, but had so many beautiful moments too. The weather forecast is looking brighter, and my children laughed hysterically at Megan’s joke-

‘This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.’

On that high point I shall leave you, with lots of love. Xxx

Apologies to my husband and eldest daughter. But I felt it was the only photo to truly reflect the sense of crazy today. Anyone else?!

We had a rough night with Toby entering our room, burning up and delusional. He was fighting something that was too loud and too big and we couldn’t get any sense out of him. It turned out it was a Pokemon surrounding the world. Maybe some deeply significant symbol of Coronavirus?…We got his temperature down and then Liam bed hopped as various children woke and slept and went hot and cold.

Suddenly my fears for lack of snacks were replaced by the need for Calpol. It goes quickly when 5 children are having at least 7.5ml several times a day! But two different people showed up and delivered the different bottles to my doorstep, and I was reminded how grateful I am for community, and how much we’re going to need each other in the coming days.

Calpol disaster avoided, we diligently started on activities. Kinetic sand, reading, number play…we were flying through them. Two older kids went and played school with the younger 3, and I thought, we’ve got this thing sorted.

But things change so fast don’t they? Emotions are flying up and down, I’m reassuring someone else one minute and the next I’m anxiously needed someone to repeat those reminders to me. Because this thing is real and everyone’s lives are changing. It’s not playing schools for a couple of weeks, it’s fearing job loss and family loss and will we have enough food and how are we going to get through this? There were moments this afternoon when it felt too big. So I put my phone aside, we made cards and walked to our friend’s house to post them and wave through the window.

And I re-read the verses I read this morning, ‘In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.’ – Psalm 18:6

I listened to songs that calm my soul, and I made a dinner that no one liked. One child wanted to make cookies for pudding, which resulted in flour everywhere, and cookies that were ready about an hour too late. But they’ll be nice tomorrow!

I think the reality is no one knows what to feel do they? It’s unprecedented and confusing and unreal. And whilst I’m internally wondering what the future will look like, my children are stropping about their birthday and not seeing their friends. Because that all still matters too.

So I think I have to keep doing what I keep saying. Just do today. Play and pray and read and talk and learn and relax. Do what I can do. I messaged some local small businesses and put orders for deliveries to our door. I did a YouTube yoga session after dinner which highlighted quite how tense I felt. I asked others how they are and prayed for needs outside my own. Because we need each other more than ever. And sometimes the best way to lift my spirits is to try and bear someone else’s burden too.

So on that note can I make a request? One group of people that are on my mind in all of this are the vulnerable children. The ones who depend on school for their place of safety, their routine, even their dinners. The ones who are already on the poverty line and now are even more at risk. Whose parents were under stress before and they bore the brunt of that-and now the stress has multiplied. We might feel anxious about entertaining our children for a few months, but there are thousands of children who might be fearing the unthinkable with weeks at home. And the workers who support them may not be able to visit due to increasing distancing measures.

Please can you pray for them? Can you send an email highlighting your concerns? Can you give a donation to a charity that will help them? Message me if you want more information on how to help, and while you pray for your sanity, pray for their safety.

Tonight I feel calm again. I don’t know what’s going on, but I have faith that God does. It won’t last forever, and there will be good in every day, things to laugh about, people to love. So here’s to tomorrow, and finding the joy and the crazy. Which in my case looks like my daughter and my husband and their own peculiar sense of humour. ❤️

So here we are. Last night I cried at the news, knowing that this, inevitably, was it. Micah’s been ill for a week already. Little Miss M had come out with a cough over the weekend. Megan had a temperature. Liam was concerned over how long he can self-isolate before he goes onto unpaid leave. I clung onto the fact that Megan’s dodgy looking tonsils could maybe mean no isolation yet, but after a phone call with a very lovely GP this morning, this is in fact where we are. It turns out they don’t know enough about the virus yet to rule out temperatures with other symptoms, so the advice is the same. And by the end of the night, Toby and Little T had temperatures too.

It’s felt a weird sort of day, as my mum said, it’s like a snow day with no snow. Despite being ‘in isolation’ I had to go to the GP at a set time to collect a prescription. We stood outside in the rain in a long queue, some with coats over their noses, some like nothing unusual was going on. The receptionists opened the door and handed out the paper, and then we all went over the road and ironically all crowded together in the pharmacy, the staff there wearing masks. I felt a rising panic suddenly being so close to all the ill people I was meant to be avoiding. But we all left again, to go home and hide away.

This morning the kids and I brainstormed things to do whilst at home. I need a vague plan, ideas to throw out when boredom comes by 9:15.

You’ll see our categories of play/learn/church/socialise/jobs/exercise. You need to know my jobs list for Liam is not included but is very. long. Also please note I did not suggest ‘anger management’. That was a child. Perhaps they are as fearful as I am of the results of us being confined to a small space?

It wasn’t really that organised or orderly however. They got out many games which they half played and abandoned to play on the Wii Fit. Toby wrote the title to a World War 2 project then wandered off to do something else. The little ones did enjoy the new letter tracing boards I’d ordered, so that was a success, but I fear boxing may prove to be a slightly too dangerous sport for the lounge.

I’m most worried about the food. They want it all the time. Snacks were rationed accordingly-pick and mix bowls seem to be the way forward to keeping it healthy and fun, and them not consuming the entire contents of the cupboard in one day. We should last until Thursday at least.

By the afternoon small people were getting cranky and Toby was going downhill with a temperature so we decided a pre dinner walk might help. I’m so grateful for this space in front of us, but wandering down the river, still fresh with debris from the floods, was a stark reminder that for some people they are moving from one very recent crisis straight into another. 2020 certainly has made its mark so far.

The lovely part was seeing the signs of spring along the way. Buds on trees, flowers poking through, birds calling, it all looking a bit greener. Spring will come. There is hope. This too, shall pass.

We had a play in the empty park before dinner, child 5 of 6 then developed a temperature too, so bedtime was a fairly quiet affair. Followed by wine. Because, no driving tonight.

It’s definitely felt a surreal sort of day. It’s been good to connect with other mums via different groups, to have a phone call with a sister, to have offers of help if we need things. The way forward seems to be to take one day at a time. To keep connecting with others. We will come out the other side. And, as ever, my little girl’s bedtime reading lifted my spirits once again.

Help is on the way. Tomorrow is a new day. No doubt it will bring new instructions and changes to the way we live, but there will be good to find in it too.