Friday.

I’ve cried a lot this week. I’ve been impatient. I’ve been distracted. I’ve been anxious. I’ve been indecisive. I’ve been ungrateful. I’ve been tired. I’ve been sad.

I’ve also run through an icy field in the winter sun and remembered the seasons are still changing as promised.

I’ve watched my girl who knows and understands and lives loss write unprompted cards to her Grandad and Grandma for their hard day.

I’ve seen my boy who was abandoned in hospital play at looking after babies all day long.

I’ve seen them all come bursting in freezing from school and lonely from self isolation and tired from cranky days and whiney mornings and restless nightmare haunted nights, and they come in. For warmth, for shelter, for food (all.the.food.), for safety, for comfort, for love, for home.

And I’m reminded: Winter will bring forth spring. Sorrow lives alongside joy. Loss is not the end. Hope is possible. Home is a gift. Love came down at Christmas, and He hasn’t abandoned us.

And I listened to a song that told me:

‘I know Emmanuel, you’re one of us
You left your throne to wear our scars
Though Christmas lights may lose their spark
And winter’s cold may break our hearts
Oh Christmas means, Emmanuel you’re one of us.’

I know this year, this month, this week has been hard. Even just in my small circles there’s been infant losses, illnesses, surgeries, palliative care, grief, divorces, mental health breakdowns. And that’s without even mentioning the virus.

But the Baby Mary gave birth to was called Emmanuel, God with us. He ‘became flesh and dwelt among us.’ He ‘bore our griefs and carried our sorrows.’ He came and He felt what we feel, He took our scars, and He brought hope. Hope for a future. Hope for togetherness. Hope for home.

And hope means we can get up and keep going. Keep loving. Keep trusting. Keep being grateful for all the good this year brought too. Keep riding the wild rollercoaster of 2020 with tears, laughter, online shopping, brownies (yep, still munching here), FaceTimes, lack of plans, binge watching movies, reminders of love, singing in the kitchen, dreaming for next year, and knowing this is not the end, and we are never, ever alone.

‘So sister and brother
Be kind to each other
We’ve all had a journey
Our own path to wander
The light will come
Just know you’re not alone.’ (Rend Collective, Emmanuel, You’re One of Us).