It’s been an interesting day. Day 79. 11 weeks and 2 days of lockdown for our family.

Today I woke up feeling horrendous. A splitting headache, feeling nauseous, and generally rubbish. I’m not very good at feeling bad. I don’t seem able to take to my bed, not because I can’t, I just don’t. I take tablets, and hope no one speaks to me. Which is ridiculous, because, hello, have you met my family?!

So although Liam was more than happy to let me hide, and is perfectly capable of managing, I stayed downstairs to enjoy all the fun of the fair. Yes, I have control issues.

The younger three children had been sent a Gratitude Scavenger Hunt to do for ‘Well-being Wednesday.’ This involved me reading out instructions like ‘find a toy you love’, and they would run into the lounge, collect the first teddy they saw, and bring it back to me like excited puppies. The objects they returned with bore no relevance whatsoever to the clues. ‘Something that smells nice’ was an old, musty teddy. ‘Something you love to play with’ was a wooden pear decoration.

We reached new lows when for ‘something that tastes nice’, Micah headed to the toy kitchen and returned with…an old, slightly squishy, real potato. How it got there or for how long it’s been there, no one actually knows. And what about that clue prompted him to fetch it is a worry to us all. At that point, on the verge of slight hysteria, I told Liam that well-being Wednesday was definitely not making me feel well.

I self-medicated coffee and half a brownie, and got out the paint to attempt the art for the school virtual exhibition. To be fair, that actually went far better than I anticipated, and took us to nearly lunchtime. I hid in the lounge for half an hour to recover, and tried to watch the Welsh Government’s announcement about schools. It unfortunately had technical issues, with no sound and a big banner over the screen, so whilst I was frustratedly trying to find it elsewhere online, Liam ironically received a phone call telling him exactly the news I was waiting to hear.

So as it stands, Welsh schools will re-open in some form on June 29th. What that will look like in the three different schools our children go to we don’t yet know. I have an older child who is stressed about who she might end up in a class with, one who thinks a lot and says little, one who is excited. And younger ones who are all over the place and have no real idea of what it might entail. So suffice it to say that the general school conversation along with the rain, had them absolutely wired this afternoon. And my pounding headache along with the tension of the news and the children’s wobbles reduced me to some sad tears.

And then we prayed and I blew my nose and Liam told me to sit down with a cup of tea and crochet whilst he took the kids out in the rain to get wormery ‘ingredimemts’ as Theo would say.

Then as the WhatsApp messages and social media groups started to go a bit crazy with discussions over how people feel, what people will do, what schools should do, what the government should have done…these verses popped into my head.

‘You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock’. – Isaiah 26:3&4

So I put the phone away, got out the crochet, and asked for peace and faith. For wisdom over when and how to navigate transitions. For patience whilst we wait for more information. For faith that God knows my kids and He cares for them way beyond my ability. For humility to acknowledge that I don’t have control and that actually that really is a good thing for all of us. For peace over the next few weeks as we juggle heightened feelings in everyone.

And then Liam and the kids came home, and Micah snuggled next to me whilst I crocheted and slept and then wet himself and me. So I changed him and made dinner and it was loud and crazy and I couldn’t overthink because I couldn’t really hear myself think anyway.

Then I had a stand off with a naughty squirrel who keeps attacking my sweet peas and realised that I must be getting older when I worry about things like that. And also realised that life carries on and I have the choice over whether I make the next three weeks and beyond a constant stress or whether I keep counting my blessings, being grateful, and staying my mind on Him, the One who offers perfect peace.

And planning strategic war on the squirrel, too, of course.