The face of a little girl who has had enough of all this isolating. And her loving brother, who smells her misery from a mile away and swoops in to tease her in any way possible. And really that is how the morning began. Maddie was sad. And when she’s sad, her tummy hurts and her legs hurt and she’s tired, and there’s nothing she really wants but she does want something, just not what you offered. And Theo, who likes a reaction, finds ways to get one. By insisting he play with the only toy she has decided she wants. Or any other clever little plans. They can be hilarious and they can be infuriating. This morning was the latter. So it involved a lot of creative play, therapeutic cuddling, and some bribery. I had to do a food shop, so I took a wish list from every family member. Partly because bringing back something exciting from the outside world is a little highlight of lockdown, and partly because I hoped it might be a distraction from the moods. Requests ranged from a mint chocolate bar, to a Frozen comic, and from the one who always tries to push their luck – a Nintendo Switch. Ha. Ha.

I was really hoping that one of the people I messaged would take me up on my offer of buying shopping for them, just so I could go and wave at a friendly face from the end of their driveway, but alas, no one needed my services, and I had to go straight back home. I never knew I could be so keen to run errands, just to buy more allowed time outside of the house! I arrived back in time for lunch, and was very briefly dubbed ‘best mum ever!’ for fulfilling the various requests. Toby deigned to accept the nasty blue coloured sugar filled sweet thing in place of a £300 games console. He’ll try again next week though, I have no doubt.

Whilst I was out Liam had kept the peace with a game of hide and seek, followed by getting them cleaning the summer garden toys. Which started the inevitable question… ‘can we have the slip and slide, pleeeeeaassse?’

And we obliged. There was lots of laughter, and only one injury. So that seemed a winner.

Once they had enough and were getting cold, we dried them off and opted for telly time. We made a coffee and tried to sneak outside to drink it, child free, in the sun. We timed it as less than five minutes before the pitter patter of tiny feet joined us. Actually, more of a thud thud thud, because there’s nothing delicate about Micah. So our coffee break became a paper aeroplane throwing contest. We had a delightful moment where Micah declared ‘you’re my favourite mum and dad!’ A minute later, for no obvious reason, he informed me I was ‘heavy. And moody. And tired.’ I mean he’s not wrong, but it does make me wonder what Liam says about me behind my back…

Overheard this afternoon during tv time…one sibling to the others, ‘I’m just taking the remote, so that I’m in control.’ You’ve got to love sibling rivalry and the fight for status. The remote control, the ultimate symbol of power.

Toby very much enjoyed making – and eating his Easter freakshake this afternoon, whilst some of us joined a family zoom to celebrate my brother Nathan’s 40th birthday. When we were children, I hated the four months of the year he’d claim he was two years older than me. Today I felt very smug about ‘only’ being 38. How things change!

After dinner Liam had a work call to take, so the kids and I went for a walk. They opted to do the street route instead of the river tonight. It basically consisted of me calling the ones running ahead to come back, shushing the ones who were shouting, stopping the others from stroking cats, and keeping our eyes peeled for rainbows. It wasn’t the most restful of wandering, but the change of scenery and taste of freedom is still much needed.

Today was another day. There were fun bits, there were hard bits. The younger children particularly, are never entirely settled in these times. Whenever Micah’s upset he cries for Grandma. Maddie’s struggling with the loss of teachers who really got her needs, and little friends who accept her as she is. Theo is bored and wants to run of steam and make a lot of mess and play superheroes with his nursery buddy. Things changed so fast and they can’t make sense of it and we can’t give them a number of sleeps until it’s over, and that’s hard and tiring.

I was encouraged by these verses from Isaiah this morning. They are in the context of there being strength for those who seek social justice for the vulnerable, but this evening I felt them for me, for any other parent or carer, who is weary from the constant demands of those in your home.

10 ‘if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.
11 And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail’. – Isaiah 58:10-11

I often feel the burden of the vulnerable, and was praying this morning for the children at risk during these days of lockdown. And sometimes I wish I could do more, care more, help more. But these verses reminded me that I’m doing what I’m asked to do, for those in my home, who often claim to be hungry. And although they are actually very well fed, they are, at the moment especially, emotionally hungry and afflicted, because everything has changed and is uncertain. And I’m grateful for the promise that as I pour myself out in caring and loving and feeding and meeting needs, God is there, satisfying my needs and strengthening my bones, and watering me, so I can keep pouring out to them. I’m not doing this alone.