That is a true story. Then he said ‘sit up or else’, and fired it at me. It’s no wonder at every massage I’ve had they said I was tense.
After I was rudely awoken, I had that feeling you have when something awful has happened. When you wake up and for a minute it seems normal (fart gun aside), and then you remember that nothing is normal.
Aside from a couple of wobbles this morning, on the whole it was a better day. The sun was shining, Liam was present and not having to work, the kids played outside and I cleaned. I realised we were either going to become hermits surrounded by tonnes of waste, or I’d have to move into manic cleaning woman mode. And the latter seems to be better for all of us. Especially you, when you visit in the future.
We were so kindly blessed today by amazing friends thinking of us and leaving gifts on our doorstep, by others asking if we needed anything. And I’m so grateful.
But today I feel sober too. It’s becoming increasingly apparent that despite all the pleas, people are still not really listening to advice about isolating and distancing. There are groups of teens wandering our estate. There are crowds at Barry Island and on Snowdon. It’s so tricky because we’re being told so many things, and we know we need to look after our mental health.
But this virus is taking people’s loved ones. Earlier today I was thinking about my brother Dan. He was a nurse, a flu-fighting champion for his health board. He was passionate and vocal and he would have had so much to say about all of this. And I was thinking how much I miss him. And how I don’t want to feel that heartbreak again, and how I don’t want other people to feel that pain of loss either. But, tragically, people already are facing a tomorrow without someone they love.
So if there’s anything I’m thinking today, it’s how important this is. Hard, yes. Unprecedented, yes. Lonely, yes. But worth it, to save someone’s life, absolutely yes. Life is a gift we so easily take for granted. Let’s protect it and treasure it by listening to what we’re told. Let’s love our neighbours by not going out tomorrow.
‘Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.’ – Romans 13:10
Hooray for waking up to sunshine! And hanging washing out! And garden play!
Today was a funny day, in that I didn’t feel as emotional as yesterday, but I just felt a bit unmotivated. Maybe it’s the tiredness, or just the post-tearful day of yesterday. Maisie’s still pretty unwell with a high temperature, so I’ve been keeping an eye on her. Micah was happy to get out but also extremely grumpy. It’s been tough on him having Liam in the house but not very accessible when dealing with lots of work issues.
We FaceTimed Grandma and the aunties, which was slightly chaotic on our end, although honestly, they’re not much more sensible than we are. The only time I did get really sad today was when Micah was upset and just wanted ‘Grandma-y’. Because really we just all want a Grandma hug right now, don’t we? A big cuddle and a reminder it’ll all be ok.
I’ve started to be concerned that by the time we’re released back into society I will a) have gained several stone. b) be unable to do my hair or make up, and c) have lost all social skills. Not that they were great anyway…
I might have chosen to have a large family, and I LOVE my people, but I’m a bit of an introvert at heart. A wide range of kids ages means they’re around from early until late. The close proximity over the next few months will, I hope, build amazing family connections, and help us learn to reach out to family and friends in new ways, but it is going to challenge all of us I know.
We went for a drive this evening, just to see outside our four walls. We delivered a present to a special little friend’s doorstep, and then let the kids run races in an empty car park. It does feel a little like having a black cross on the door at times. Or feeling the need to ring a bell and shout ‘unclean’ when outside.
This evening brought positive news regarding support for businesses, which was a huge answer to prayer. I’m praying that all those whose jobs are at risk will be helped and provided for, and that we’ll all look for ways to help.
This morning when I felt anxious I sang out these words to a song I love, and tonight I’m thankful that once again they’re proving true:
I love You Lord Oh Your mercy never fails me All my days I’ve been held in Your hands From the moment that I wake up Until I lay my head I will sing of the goodness of God
All my life You have been faithful All my life You have been so, so good With every breath that I am able I will sing of the goodness of God
I love Your voice You have led me through the fire In darkest nights
You are close like no other I’ve known You as a father
I’ve known You as a friend I have lived in the goodness of God. (Bethel music).
A picture from Cornwall, just 2.5 weeks ago. How life can change in such a short time!
Today will be shorter and probably not very eloquent because I’m exhausted. And Maisie, my last child standing, has now developed an excruciatingly high temperature, so I’m on medical duties whilst I type. I’ve set a 4am alarm for the medicine round to keep it in check, and whether they have the C bug or not, whatever they have/had is pretty unpleasant.
Enjoying the small things-this one was pleased as punch to wear her mismatched birdie tights. She’s a bit wobbly, sudden removal from friends and lovely teachers isn’t easy for little ones who’ve know big loss. On the other hand, school can be a scary place too, so hunkering down in the safe place for a while might not be a bad thing for her little heart.
Creative snack rationing. I gave them money from my coin jar and they came to my shop to purchase their snacks. Even the big kids found this amusing. Especially the one who then stole all my money.
It’s been my most emotional day so far. There are definitely going to be impacts and challenges that just a couple of weeks ago no one would have dreamed of. I had a teary long distance conversation with my friend in the street as I dropped something on a doorstep, came home and read a message from my pastor, blubbed like a baby, and allowed myself to feel it all.
But in all that, there were lovely points too. A friend hunting down my shopping needs and delivering to the doorstep. Theo’s nursery teacher messaging for our address and hand delivering Mother’s Day surprises to all the homes. The kids random conversations about Maisie walking down the aisle to Baby Shark… ‘and then you can come in mum, Mummy Shark do doo do do do…’ They’re nothing if not a little crazy, but they do help to lighten the moments.
I had some lovely chats with friends and family via messages and phone and FaceTime, and felt truly cared for today. My song for the day was ‘He will hold me fast’ sung by the Norton Hall Band on YouTube, and Psalm 46 lifted my spirits.
1 ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, 3 though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. 5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.’ – Psalm 46:1-5
Today was wobbly, but had so many beautiful moments too. The weather forecast is looking brighter, and my children laughed hysterically at Megan’s joke-
‘This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.’
On that high point I shall leave you, with lots of love. Xxx
Apologies to my husband and eldest daughter. But I felt it was the only photo to truly reflect the sense of crazy today. Anyone else?!
We had a rough night with Toby entering our room, burning up and delusional. He was fighting something that was too loud and too big and we couldn’t get any sense out of him. It turned out it was a Pokemon surrounding the world. Maybe some deeply significant symbol of Coronavirus?…We got his temperature down and then Liam bed hopped as various children woke and slept and went hot and cold.
Suddenly my fears for lack of snacks were replaced by the need for Calpol. It goes quickly when 5 children are having at least 7.5ml several times a day! But two different people showed up and delivered the different bottles to my doorstep, and I was reminded how grateful I am for community, and how much we’re going to need each other in the coming days.
Calpol disaster avoided, we diligently started on activities. Kinetic sand, reading, number play…we were flying through them. Two older kids went and played school with the younger 3, and I thought, we’ve got this thing sorted.
But things change so fast don’t they? Emotions are flying up and down, I’m reassuring someone else one minute and the next I’m anxiously needed someone to repeat those reminders to me. Because this thing is real and everyone’s lives are changing. It’s not playing schools for a couple of weeks, it’s fearing job loss and family loss and will we have enough food and how are we going to get through this? There were moments this afternoon when it felt too big. So I put my phone aside, we made cards and walked to our friend’s house to post them and wave through the window.
And I re-read the verses I read this morning, ‘In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.’ – Psalm 18:6
I listened to songs that calm my soul, and I made a dinner that no one liked. One child wanted to make cookies for pudding, which resulted in flour everywhere, and cookies that were ready about an hour too late. But they’ll be nice tomorrow!
I think the reality is no one knows what to feel do they? It’s unprecedented and confusing and unreal. And whilst I’m internally wondering what the future will look like, my children are stropping about their birthday and not seeing their friends. Because that all still matters too.
So I think I have to keep doing what I keep saying. Just do today. Play and pray and read and talk and learn and relax. Do what I can do. I messaged some local small businesses and put orders for deliveries to our door. I did a YouTube yoga session after dinner which highlighted quite how tense I felt. I asked others how they are and prayed for needs outside my own. Because we need each other more than ever. And sometimes the best way to lift my spirits is to try and bear someone else’s burden too.
So on that note can I make a request? One group of people that are on my mind in all of this are the vulnerable children. The ones who depend on school for their place of safety, their routine, even their dinners. The ones who are already on the poverty line and now are even more at risk. Whose parents were under stress before and they bore the brunt of that-and now the stress has multiplied. We might feel anxious about entertaining our children for a few months, but there are thousands of children who might be fearing the unthinkable with weeks at home. And the workers who support them may not be able to visit due to increasing distancing measures.
Please can you pray for them? Can you send an email highlighting your concerns? Can you give a donation to a charity that will help them? Message me if you want more information on how to help, and while you pray for your sanity, pray for their safety.
Tonight I feel calm again. I don’t know what’s going on, but I have faith that God does. It won’t last forever, and there will be good in every day, things to laugh about, people to love. So here’s to tomorrow, and finding the joy and the crazy. Which in my case looks like my daughter and my husband and their own peculiar sense of humour. ❤️
So here we are. Last night I cried at the news, knowing that this, inevitably, was it. Micah’s been ill for a week already. Little Miss M had come out with a cough over the weekend. Megan had a temperature. Liam was concerned over how long he can self-isolate before he goes onto unpaid leave. I clung onto the fact that Megan’s dodgy looking tonsils could maybe mean no isolation yet, but after a phone call with a very lovely GP this morning, this is in fact where we are. It turns out they don’t know enough about the virus yet to rule out temperatures with other symptoms, so the advice is the same. And by the end of the night, Toby and Little T had temperatures too.
It’s felt a weird sort of day, as my mum said, it’s like a snow day with no snow. Despite being ‘in isolation’ I had to go to the GP at a set time to collect a prescription. We stood outside in the rain in a long queue, some with coats over their noses, some like nothing unusual was going on. The receptionists opened the door and handed out the paper, and then we all went over the road and ironically all crowded together in the pharmacy, the staff there wearing masks. I felt a rising panic suddenly being so close to all the ill people I was meant to be avoiding. But we all left again, to go home and hide away.
This morning the kids and I brainstormed things to do whilst at home. I need a vague plan, ideas to throw out when boredom comes by 9:15.
You’ll see our categories of play/learn/church/socialise/jobs/exercise. You need to know my jobs list for Liam is not included but is very. long. Also please note I did not suggest ‘anger management’. That was a child. Perhaps they are as fearful as I am of the results of us being confined to a small space?
It wasn’t really that organised or orderly however. They got out many games which they half played and abandoned to play on the Wii Fit. Toby wrote the title to a World War 2 project then wandered off to do something else. The little ones did enjoy the new letter tracing boards I’d ordered, so that was a success, but I fear boxing may prove to be a slightly too dangerous sport for the lounge.
I’m most worried about the food. They want it all the time. Snacks were rationed accordingly-pick and mix bowls seem to be the way forward to keeping it healthy and fun, and them not consuming the entire contents of the cupboard in one day. We should last until Thursday at least.
By the afternoon small people were getting cranky and Toby was going downhill with a temperature so we decided a pre dinner walk might help. I’m so grateful for this space in front of us, but wandering down the river, still fresh with debris from the floods, was a stark reminder that for some people they are moving from one very recent crisis straight into another. 2020 certainly has made its mark so far.
The lovely part was seeing the signs of spring along the way. Buds on trees, flowers poking through, birds calling, it all looking a bit greener. Spring will come. There is hope. This too, shall pass.
We had a play in the empty park before dinner, child 5 of 6 then developed a temperature too, so bedtime was a fairly quiet affair. Followed by wine. Because, no driving tonight.
It’s definitely felt a surreal sort of day. It’s been good to connect with other mums via different groups, to have a phone call with a sister, to have offers of help if we need things. The way forward seems to be to take one day at a time. To keep connecting with others. We will come out the other side. And, as ever, my little girl’s bedtime reading lifted my spirits once again.
(Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing, S Lloyd Jones)
Help is on the way. Tomorrow is a new day. No doubt it will bring new instructions and changes to the way we live, but there will be good to find in it too.
We all know these are the strangest of days, I don’t have to tell you that. And no doubt you have your own thoughts, fears, ways of dealing with the current craziness that is going on all around the world. I don’t profess to have scientific knowledge, or spiritual wisdom, but as I’m currently housebound with a child who has a cough, I thought I’d write down my thoughts on how I’m processing today, and my feelings about the next few weeks.
In the past week I’ve seen a wide range of responses to Coronavirus news. There are the avoiders – it feels too scary, so we play it down. It’s only flu, I’m not going to look at the news, what’s the big fuss all about.
As the week went on, there were more voices that were the controllers – it feels too scary, so we need to be informed and control our risk. We check every update, we see what’s happening around the world, and start questioning about why not enough is being done to stop this. We race to the shops (or online shops) and make strategic plans for what might happen next.
I’ve done both of those. But I think those are both anxious responses. And given that the scenario we’re living in is likely to last weeks and months, not days, neither of those are sustainable long term. So here’s what I’m trying to do in Coronavirus confusion:
-Read the Bible. Before I look at the news or social media, remind myself of the truth of Who is in control. That this world is only temporary, and there is a hope and a future. Practically, I’ve decided to pick a book of the Bible and read a chapter a day. I’d already started Isaiah, and there have already been so many rich truths that I’ve been holding on to. Earlier in the week I read words which have stayed with me all week – ‘For the Lord spoke thus to me with his strong hand upon me, and warned me not to walk in the way of this people, saying: “Do not call conspiracy all that this people calls conspiracy, and do not fear what they fear, nor be in dread. But the Lord of hosts, him you shall honour as holy. Let him be your fear, and let him be your dread.”‘(Isaiah 8:11-13) These have helped me hold perspective and to quieten my soul when anxious thoughts arise. Pick a Psalm, a Gospel, or even just a verse, and hold onto it.
-Worship. I ask Alexa to shuffle songs by Hillsong or Bethel worship, or Rend Collective, or hymns, or whatever takes my fancy in that moment. I sing along in the car and in the kitchen, and I try and fill my mind with helpful words and loudly and badly sing it even when I don’t feel it. It helps, it really does.
-Be informed. I don’t want to avoid or obsess, the reality is there is big, world-changing stuff going on, and I need to know the truth. But I need to keep that balanced. For me that looks like limiting myself to checking the news or the Public Health site a couple of times a day. If something comes up on social media that seems hype, I check the source before believing or panicking.
-Pray. Being honest with God about what I’m afraid of, what I don’t understand, how crazy it all looks. Asking for wisdom and peace.
-Then put it aside in my mind. If I’m dwelling on all the data and what’s happening in Italy then I’m not consciously present with my kids or my responsibilities for today. My child needs to be picked up and held. My washing needs doing. My house needs cleaning probably more than usual. These are ongoing needs that won’t change whether I know how many cases of Coronavirus are in my town or not. Life cannot be completely on hold indefinitely, and there are things I can keep doing (or start doing the ones I’ve been putting off…finishing the landing painting might be a good way to spend the time!)
-Do the things I can do. I can make meal plans and have an idea of what I will need for this week. I can book a click and collect order. I can write a list of things to do if the kids are off school for a while. Several of my children will not cope without structure. So I’m planning a vague timetable of things we can do each day, and I’ll look up things like playdoh recipes and order a few craft things from Amazon. Maybe we’ll have a topic and all the different ages can do something related but suiting their different stages. I’ll put wellies and waterproofs on them and send them in the garden for at least a little bit every day, whatever the weather.
-When I have to make a decision, look at the facts and advice and be sensible and considerate, not dramatic or foolish. I don’t need to ring 111 for my child’s cough. But I do need to follow the advice about keeping her home and protecting others and the health service.
-Remember other people. Who can I love today? And how can I do it? Coronavirus has taken over the world, but for many people, their world was already painful for other reasons. I might not be able to meet up with people, but I can check in on them. In a time when we may need to ‘socially distance’, we can still choose to connect. The person who was grieving is still grieving but maybe feeling more alone. The tired mum is still being woken in the night but may not be able to go to the toddler groups that give her some social interaction. The healthcare worker who was already stretched and tired is going to be under a whole heap more pressure. I’m not very good at phoning people, but if we are isolated I intend to speak to someone on the phone every day. Because as good as whatsapp is, it’s not the same as actually hearing a human voice. There may be neighbours I can drop a card to offering to pick up some shopping for if they can’t get out. No man is an island, and I find it ironic that in a time where the world is more ‘social’ than ever before, we are worried about social distancing. I think the fear is because we know that we all need to actually connect with people in our lives, and that looks like going beyond Facebook and Instagram, and choosing to truly interact and care.
-And have fun. Watch happy films, play games, read books, craft, drink wine and eat chocolate. Also do online exercise to combat the above. (That one might be harder for me to motivate myself to do, but important nonetheless!). Look back at old photos and use the time to make the photo book you never get around to. Write real letters to people. On paper. (Wash your hands first).
I honestly believe this is all for a reason. Let’s use this time to reevaluate what we’re about and maybe come out of isolation a bit stronger, caring, and more compassionate. Whatever your situation, I’m sending love and calming vibes to you today. See you when my kids stop coughing, but hopefully speak to you in the meantime!
Savouring My Days 
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